Whal shall one do!!!

It's one year that a simple revelation of one's feelings taking a toll. standing at the juncture where anything might happen and i still want to take a chance..

some talks..silent sighs..and endless prayers..that was all i could do through out.. i gulped those words every time i felt it's finding its way out through the esophagus !

a seer blessing of few moments followed by this utter desire of holding him tight was hard to resist. What shall one do?

a fear of losing him, and a fear of not being with him at all leaves you with just no option. one keeps waiting for the right time while the right one runs away.

is it just hard to love anyone or rather find someone to love? what do you do when you love someone but don't know how to let him know? or you keep loving him and you just dnt care if he should know.

i guess that way it's a little hard, especially for people like us. my friends often said that I have always been giving in relationships. so, its always beautiful when you can do things with all your heart for the one you love,for the one you care. u just cant restrict your actions for the one you love.

i do not know if i will ever be able to do the same. Fear of denial and disappointment will be all the more devastating. i choose to live in uncertainty.

M besotted... SOS !!

A Strange Me .........

Sometimes I feel that I am so blessed. I can be sensitive to the heart ache and to a melting heart at the same time. I cry and and I smile at the same time. I live and I die at the same time.

Well I have always felt that I have so much to share, to give, to care for. I felt quite often that I've done my share of love but did it ever deter me from loving Him again? Well I am back to cherishing an ever lasting emotional hearty turmoil….indeed I am relishing it and this time i really dint choose it this way.

Strange but true....

Glory to the Budday Boy!!!!!!!

Christmas Eve - in full josh three pretty magi all set to wish the birthday boy at 12 in the morning. Ceremoniusly greeted by some thugs and we tip toed back home. Our father, who art in heaven taught us a lesson..

Christmas Morning - Bethel AG Church. Lovely song service,awesome messages and truths revealed and worship just not enough for the only one worthy.

Christmas is never about Christmas trees or even about Santa. thr are neither any Christmas trees in the Bible nor ever did Jesus hung around the trees.

We often say that it is the time when we all get together and rejoice the mood set in. and we forget one thing in all this glory that this it is the birthday of a baby boy. the God who came in the form of a baby just to die for our sins. a baby who was born not for his parents,not Christianity or to any releigion... but for u and me.. and is the only Living GOd. He is the only one who is risen three days after crucified and no one else on this earth can ever do or ever did.

did we atleast once wish "Happy Birthday Jesus"? rather we are busy wishing each other on christmas. Lets thank him for what he has made of us. we are not converted in Christ but we are transformed in Christ.

Try Him and he gives you in abundance......
Amen...

My First Christmas!!

i already recieved my first christmas gift,, yes may be the only gift.. thanks to the secret santa tradition still followed in almost all the organizations...

Charlie perfume, a photo frame, and Jesus statue. Jesus is the reason for this season and lets not forget that. He has died for our sins and whatever we are today is coz of the Man.
sometimes it feels that most of us have forgotten the essence of what we celebrate. it has become human centric instead of being ocassion centric. indeed a sad plight.....

but it's good to see that all of us irrespective of where we belong, we do not want to miss out on this chance of lending a tight hug and warm smiles...

well frineds coming home tonight. yes my home...finally i can call it a house no more.....

Merry Christmas!!!!

Home Coming.....................

Last week in Bangalore befor i come back again for Christmas...as the month began i was happy by the thought of getting to spend my performance bonus amount in Mumbai with family, but greed can even take us to the extent of killing someone... i prefer to call that a retention bonus...

well shopped for jiju..sis...myself mostly...and took up this new house and will live a life i always dreamt of. to begin with have to get some lovely beautiful curtains,,some nice cushions to place my ass,,one nice lamp shade..a music system for sure..lot of incents...and lovely flowers every alternate day for my delight...

it's been actually a long time that i felt like i came home.. their needs to be a proper home-coming to always keep coming back home.. their needs to be an urge and the right place to set your heart right to avoid late nights or any unwanted night out. well i must have spent thousands spending nights at Swag/pu's place. have i been an unwanted guest as well?
well frankly i really din't care. i just chose it that way..i din't want to be lonely... well now i chose to be alone and not lonely...

i do not know for how long my plan will materialise.. but i guess we all should do what we want from our lives.. and leave everything upto HIM.. and live this life and leave nothing unturned.. i mean thrz so much to do and so little time.. work..studies..more work..love people..love all..music..books...loads of laughter...tears..friends...that's all? no....movies...places...love..relationships..so much more to life....

i just dnt wanna get married coz m 25/26....i wanna be married coz i owuld want to be married..coz i would love him..and coz i would love to be loved....

looking forward to be in mumbai..the devastated city now.....see you at Francis Aurthur's...

Winter...........

can you believe that we have reached the end of this year?

i mean it was just that day that i celebrated "new year eve" in Coorg! Man, this year was a blessing...and i guess i may have broken all my resolutions in the beginning of the year itself but keeping up to my words till the year ends... all's well that ends well....

i miss winter..i miss wearing all tattered clothes inside my jumpers.. i miss not taking bath... but inspite of all this ,,that little hope of being gifted by the Santa in Christmas still prevails...

my sis always said as i grew up that Santa would get me gifts if i was a good child.. and i tried being the best child in town.. i remeber that christmas had always been the time when the entire family...(dada..didi..boudi..bonjhi,jamaibabu,,pishi,,prochur lok jon) end up going to alipore zoo and have a grand picnic... we were like any other middle class families littering everywhere and look at each other instead of looking at the animals in thr...

i remember ma taking me to Bansdroni church and getting me a nice chocolate cake in the evening..

i remember bying blue sweater for school..new year begins in school wearing the new sweater and baba bargaining to the extent of not paying anything at all....

i remember my last christmas in Kolkata...park street in all its glory..lights...all the dazzle...the glitter...never ending que in front of Peking, Aster,Petercat and then ending up in Aminia.... getting tipsy in Trincas and cathcing the yellow taxi back home.....

i miss it all...a city which has given so much and still strives to give something...

this will be my first christmas in real sense of the term..its December...its end of the year...new year with many more resolutions...... something new and some happy tears....

When eyes met...

Saturday..

the day was pretty exciting the way infact it ended. went to the station to book the tickets and actually could not do so. "Government"-Server was down and so am I.. i very well visualised how my entire day is going to run from the way it started.

flipping through the free-ads, almost my bottom crossing the boundary line of the scooty, devouring the exotic stone studded idlies pretty much had made my day.. house hunting has kept haunting me always since the time i stepped into this garden city..

finally as the dusk broke..i found myself a nice dwelling..yes i have to make some adjustments..everything good , or even bad in some cases-- comes with a price..

i thought i rather pamper myself now with a nice hair-do that i got a call from my beloved"-s to visit them in a mall asap. well lovely clothes in my wardrobe now--thank you thank you..

now comes the exciting part....at the mall in mg..i caught a glance of this somewhat elderly looking gentleman.. disheveled looks.. tangled beard.. and sharing the same taste of my glasses.. well he was around for quite sometime.. all his gazes at me.. to be honest it was kinda interesting and yes i was enjoying it. we came out of the mall and my eyes kept searching for him but alas.....

i was crossing the road and he was right behind..damn these terrorists that my heart asked"what if he is one?" i almost trembled and i stopped to let him pass..

he turned around to check and our eyes met the last...he was hit by the bus...

guess he is fine...

the candle burns low and i must stop...

will i see him again? only HE knows and not mine,, but HIS will be done.....Amen...

Series of fortunate events

Just on the verge of severe political unrest, series of blasts, terror stricken nation - my week was actually bestowed with a lot of unexpected incidents - all forunate.

The week began with my first ever performance bonus. I better should take this chance and give a testimony. Few days back, on my way to work i was found cribbing about recognition,salary,finance and a lot other things. The list never exhausts even to the extent of cribbing about my hair style, "Kakka-cloured jeans- rightly said by my friend", obesity and eccetra.. eccetra.. I realised that we actually cannot serve two kingdoms.. Verses from Bible brought in a lot of realisations and commitments. the following week brought in several surprises in its fold.
And it was my birthday......i am "gladly" and "not so gladly" 24 years young.
In bulleted points it follows -
-- Performance bonus actually double the amount than expected.
-- Resolutions to finance.
-- A lovely birthday cheque from work.
-- A so called un-expected B'day surprise...finally...
-- A chocolate facial adding to the never diminishing glow on my face.
-- I can say I am stable.
-- Satisfaction to my self obsessed self..a lovely tshirt with the my pictures printed on it.
--Food...food...food....food...food.....
-- Respite from my kakka-coloured jeans..(wink)
-- Never ending happiness.
Thank God................
i am going to meet my family after long.. i look at my life now with a different perspective..so much to share..u be faithful and you see that you become His miracle...

C ya..