Here comes your ghost again....

The grand opening of our new church building just could not be better. Praise God for making it a success.

In between all this, a familiar feeling keeps haunting me again and again. I anticipate every time my cell phone beeps. I have lost sleep and an intense desire keeps me awake. A desire hard to fathom. My heart incessantly keeps repeating the verses …

I cry out to the Lord to take this pain away and it just don’t seem to pass. I have been looking for a light, but it refuses to shine and may be this time again it is for real. It’s not that it is hard to comprehend but I guess it’s just a shadow overhead. At times I feel I am just stuck here and there is this strange battle that I am fighting with no one around. I don’t know if it’s just me or there is some one else who is going through it, as well. I choose not to tell or proclaim, and I have been a loner.

Words seem to fail me now, and the more I am trying to hold it, the more it’s slipping away. I love the wind, the sun, and the flowers. My room is now filled with candles red and white and is this me? I sit in a corner and gaze, and a sigh is all I have. I can’t dream and can’t wish. I can’t hold and I can’t leave.
I breathe now but I don’t live.

Ring the bells....

my mind has a mind of its own.. their is not a time when it just doesnot stop myself being happy or maybe even worry..the more you try holding it the more it slips.. a series of fortunate and not so fortunate events often change the course of action..the desire is too hard to fathom.. hope turining to hopelessness..but they say their is a silver lining at the end of each dark cloud..

i find myself not letting go of something which will never work out.. a little bit of it would probably quench my thirst.. so many faces around but none you can call your own.. the longing in his eyes while waiting for his lover to come back home, the touch of the one you have missed all along and finally resting in the arms that protects you makes it all.

i have been missing something for quite sometime now and i am still looking out for the reason..i do not know what and why? waiting and long suffering just rings the bells of Christmas, for yet another new beginning...

Cheers....

RIP

An immense desire pulled me out of bed but i dint know why or what? first time in a very long time i saw someone as fresh as ever, and beautiful. The touch was felt before and once again.. the taste still lingers.. i felt the hair to make sure that all well.. i paid extra attention and gave all the love and care i had saved since it was all gone for years..

i was fed, i was caressed,, and loved.........

i long for it still now and i know that it's gone for ever and everytime i think of it i miss it all the more.. and i have to take recourse to my dreams....

i miss my ma.....and i have her only in my dreams.. i wish she was back here with me.. its kind of wierd since i have never had this feeling before...

i pray that her soul rests in peace.............................

Relationship...defined...redefined....

Well,, relationship i definitely do not mean anything that we share in families or between siblings or even friends... A straight relationship...Boy-Girl thingy.. these days we need to define everything straight or otherwise or get ourselves all the more in the scoop..

Orkut has more of my friends pictures than mine.. well m not that good enuf,,He IS NOT MY TYPE.. are you sure??? i mean, what if it is that way? may be that's what he wants...i think he likes me.. Mmmm....He is not that into you.. remember he had called back once? i mean of course he cares...so what do u think?

we going round and round and we still want to believe in the concept of the right one and the right one runs away with your friend.. i mean what else can one do? we get comfortable with that one person and we find it hard to do without him.. we know deep in our hearts that he is not the one but we do not mind putting ourselves in his "drop out" list till the time we get to be with him.

What is it?

i wonder,,,, is it companionship, is it being loved, is it to love or is it the lust...may be all of it.. since we make a choice here consciously, i feel then we should enjoy each and every bit of it..but then again creeps in between our middle-class or the mediocre mentality.. we feel being used and still not belong anywhere..

so what is the problem? is it the guy or our mental set up.. i think the problem is the "Woman" factor,., yes we proudly say that we are the confused lot.. and thank our stars that we are not men or else we would have had to handle a woman...
feel free to share...

Regards,
Truly a woman..

So far...so long..

Almost 5 months... i guess that is how we all move on.. phases..faces.places.. i had quite enjoyed the time when i used to pen down my thoughts.. but i guess i have stopped thinking.. or may be my thoughts are no more things... 5 months...

quite a lot.. my dancing venture ever,,, Salsa,,, yes those of you who think u r born with two left feet need to come out of your pre conceived notions and give it a try.. i loved it... the entire feeling of twirling and turning is a sheer delight...

Pondy was on cards some time back.. the whole city on a bicycle... then to dharwad..pune..nagpur..mumbai was absolute fun..

have been watching a lot of movies.. has been a perfect time-pass for last few days.. i guess m enjoying my space all by myself and have surely got addicted to it.. yes at times that moment of loneliness does try getting a hol of me but i guess time has taught me to be strong enough.. i wonder now how will it be to accomodate someone in my little world? i am sceptical, anxoius and scared... thr have been quite a lot of things which has been capturing most of my time.. mostly random thoughts, hardly productive... work...home...prayer..worship..work..home... i have been moving in circles and wihtout a slightest doubt i can conclude that the next few weeks it will just be the same...

December has lot of happiness and hope in store... Fingers crossed and prayers in tact... I love my God and so should you....

TADA....

Bnagalore..Kochi..Trivandrum..Kovalam..Mumbai..

One more resolution to many... will travel more often.. one thing i can never be over with.. and its the best this way... once in two months..

The Easter morning i stepped in Kochi, regarded as the commercial and industrial capital of Kerala. The climate was pretty pleasant to my surprise, drizzling in the evenings. Daybreak was full of indeterminate promise as i jotted down the places to visit in and around Kochi. Gave me a sheer thrill of becoming a traveller finally. I took an auto to Willington Island.

A man-made island created by sand dredged while deepening the backwaters for the Cochin Port. It is the home of the Cochin Port and the naval base. My attention was caught by this massiveship Kavaratti, on its way to Lakshwadeep. Gave birth to another desire indeed.

I took a ferry to Jew Town, Mattancherry. Mattancherry has a predominantly Muslim population. The Jew street is quite a dead-end. Jewish community being a minority now, the houses gave a mixed Arab, British, Portuguese and Dutch legacy. I guess Jews must have been subjected to regular tourists and their unwelcoming inquisitive features, that they have locked themsleves in now. it was quite a deserted land.

A popular place to visit in Cochin is the Jewish synagogue, the oldest in the Commonwealth countries. It was closed on Easter so could not venture in. After enjoying the European colonial settlement in the Jew Street, I head towards the Kochi Fort.

I had to feast my eyes on the architecture of Fort Kochi. The air was fishy and so was the place. The Chinese fishing nets, a remnant from the rule of the majestic Kublai Khan, is another major tourist attraction. After a day of wander lust, you can unwind at the Fort Kochi, with a nice economic chicken curry and rice by the sea side.

Evening, by the marine drive was a indeed a much needed hang out. I could not stop myself from devouring an ice cream cone andtake a long marine walk. Probably one would not mind to sit and gaze beyond the beautiful back waters and the harbour and spend the entire evening after a long sunny day.

Night bus took me to Kovalam. Kovalam is one of the most beautiful and famous beaches in South India and also the best place for relaxation. It has three different beaches of which the Lighthouse beach is the most famous beach. Ayurvedic treatments especially during monsoon is another attraction of Kovalam. Many resorts facing the beautiful beach is a wonderful location for stay. Not much of traveeling here and i loved my stay relaxing by the beach and playing with few kids in the sea.

Men in Kerala, have always been a distinguishing feature here. You do not really like the fact that they like you. Considering the fact, that Kerala is one of the most high rated tourist destinations, it is high time that the men here change their attitude about girls visiting from differnt parts of the world. I found them chauvinist and quite low in spirit at the same time. You try talking back to them, they shy away but they stick onto you for your attention. Probably we need to deal with them in the corrct fashion, coz they can be really helpful and friendly at the same time.

This was my third visit to this land and i loved my stay every time. It's a must palce to visit if you would need some time on your own, do a lot of photography, and you are a foodie.

Living Paradox

I found nothing when i knew nothing..

often we invite things into our lives knowing we will be happy with it...quite forcibly actually.. we get used to things that lead us no where and we land up no where.. why do we seek something that is momentary but the after effects seem eternal..
it takes time to be done with it once and for all and we know it for sure.. but a little of it ..a little more.. what if just a little we can squeeze in..

just a few more drops of tears...

GO Gokarna

it was the ultimate signature start to 2009..had been cotemplating since real long to visit this exotic place and finally it worked out...

absolutely no planning and we packed our bags amidst the financial crunch that just doesn't seem to leave us..ever...
A place said to have been the center for India's ancient Ganja culture, is still maintaining the tradition well.. set in the border of Karnatka and Goa this place is a must visit for a weekend delight..

Gokarna is a town of contrasts as it is a temple town and also a holiday destination by the sea.. an absolute hippy paradise with drums, guitars and hammocks all around.

we landed in OM Beach..and still had no idea where to stay..we parked our bags in Namaste Cafe and plunged into the sea..

watching the sun go down was never so beautiful. friends..music..and one would just love to get lost in to the thoughts that can only be framed in a situation like this... far from all and still so near to the life that keeps calling from the mundane habits that we reside in....

Gokarna, with its coconut palms, blue seas and clean sands, is perfect for an idyllic vacation. i feel that this place is a pretty much a round-the-year destination. Economic food, shacks by the sea and eye candies are just enough to keep coming back to this place...Peaceful and D'place...

trip was short and so was time..i need to pack my bags again and head towards this beauty sometime very soon.. you are most welcome to tag along.......

Now i can see!!!

Well a friend said that 2009 should not be lived in uncertainty...and i politely obliged..I finally did it..something i had contemplated since quite a long time.. all right!! guys stop guessing...it's not what's running in ur mind....

i penned down my feelings on a piece of paper..

waiting was long...but peaceful... hope streaming out as every moment my stomach shrieked....

it did not turn out well...i have realised yet once again that God has some plan for all of us today and that He loves us so much...

Failures never hinder our possibilities...message recieved on the 14th January'09 - holds so tru now...

this heart has forgotten to forget him.....