Monday, December 28, 2009

Here comes your ghost again....

The grand opening of our new church building just could not be better. Praise God for making it a success.

In between all this, a familiar feeling keeps haunting me again and again. I anticipate every time my cell phone beeps. I have lost sleep and an intense desire keeps me awake. A desire hard to fathom. My heart incessantly keeps repeating the verses …

I cry out to the Lord to take this pain away and it just don’t seem to pass. I have been looking for a light, but it refuses to shine and may be this time again it is for real. It’s not that it is hard to comprehend but I guess it’s just a shadow overhead. At times I feel I am just stuck here and there is this strange battle that I am fighting with no one around. I don’t know if it’s just me or there is some one else who is going through it, as well. I choose not to tell or proclaim, and I have been a loner.

Words seem to fail me now, and the more I am trying to hold it, the more it’s slipping away. I love the wind, the sun, and the flowers. My room is now filled with candles red and white and is this me? I sit in a corner and gaze, and a sigh is all I have. I can’t dream and can’t wish. I can’t hold and I can’t leave.
I breathe now but I don’t live.

No comments: